Frankie's Journal

one hundred and fifty one.

I wrote this in my Myspace blog. Figured I'd post it here, too.

I haven’t written anything in here in quite some time. I don’t really know why, I just haven’t been inspired. okay, I lied. I’ve been plenty inspired... inspired enough to figure out what I want to do with my life after I graduate; inspired enough to decide that I want to write a memoir someday... inspired enough to realize that when it comes down to it, I’m not happy. I don’t really know why I’m not happy, but, I do know that I’m not.

I have everything I could possibly want, but, I’m the type of person who takes everything forgranted - I’ll admit it. I’m not too sure how to fix that, I wish I knew. I have an amazing family; an amazing handful of friends, and a nice car. I have my faith, I have my life right where I want it(... I think). I’m less than two months away from graduation, I’ve always wanted to be at this point in my life. And, now that I’m finally here, I feel like something’s missing.

I’m not exactly sure what it is. I could be extremely cliche and say that what’s missing isn’t a something; that it’s a someone. I could be cliche, and say that - and, it would be the truth. But, I’ve never been the type of person to "need" someone to be happy. It’d be nice, sure. I’m willing to wait forever for the perfect "someone", though. The someone who I’ve been searching for for the longest time, the latter part of the last two years; the cute and quirky boy who’s like Seth Cohen, the one who I would just click with and fall in love with instantly... the one who’d put up with me for ten years, until we finally got married on the beach.
I thought I had it once... I want that feeling back.
It’s funny, because I’ve been looking for that person(feeling), looking, looking, and looking. I never find them(it), though. I think part of that is because of my extremely high expectations - that I will not lower, sorry. I just wish for once, the boy wouldn’t be afraid to talk to the pretty girl, and instantly assume that I’m too good for them, and make the first move. I know I give off that "I’m too good for anyone" vibe, but really, you’re no better than me. Now, I’m not talking about you in general... just... you, him, whoever. Just give me a chance, because apparently, there's something "extra special" about me.

I’m bored with every single aspect of my life.
I’ve seen way too much safety. I need something dangerous in my life; okay, well... not dangerous... thrilling, maybe. I need something to feel alive. I need exposure. I need experiences.
I guess, I’ll get that after I graduate. When I go to college. Even if it is community college; it’s still something different, with new people; new things. I need out of high school. May twenty second couldn’t come any sooner. I need change, I need to grow up; to live it up, live it up (but always come back home). I need legitamate people; none of this high school stuff.

I just need something(one) to cure this boredom. To put a real smile on my face, again. To fill the void that feels empty; to be the thing that’s missing... because, this is absurd

Oh, and PS. I've been listening to Lydia's new album far too much.

<3

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